Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking”- a guide for 21st Century Mama’s Boys
Take a shot every time you hear “Sima Taporia from Mumbai” say
“compromise”. I guarantee you won’t make it past episode 1.
These 6 words have haunted many Indian youth, likely from their early 20’s. But Indian Matchmaking, a show on Netflix, is a US funded and created show that follows “Sima Taporia from Mumbai” (I wish I didn’t have to quote this). A matchmaker, her job is to collect “bio datas” and match them with other like-minded (read: regressive) people/families who choose partners based on superficial parameters like height, caste, or the colour of their skin.
The show largely follows modern Indian diaspora from both India and the US, who are ready to conform to the ancient custom of allowing an elder validate their choices in partners. Because these adults, mostly in their 30’s, are incapable of making decisions that haven’t been validated by the elders in their lives.
The Mama’s Boy Syndrome- Akshay and Preeti
The show largely presents men from very well-to-do families demanding women that are “slim trim tall and fair” (yuck). Since “attraction” is key, Akshay has seen up to 70 girls, and has not found a single one to fit his bill. So when Sima “aunty” comes into the picture, she decides to ask him for his criteria.
This man, has no answer.
If that isn’t enough of a red flag for Sima, Preeti (Akshay’s mother) threatening them with “worsening health” isn’t helping. Akshay’s older brother had gotten married at 23, and now is waiting for him to get married so that they may have kids. Baby making, or allowing other members of the family to, seem to be the end game. Societal expectations, watching other friends’ sons have good partners seem to be the driving force for Preeti.
And for what? Preeti wants someone who she can introduce to her Kitty Party (weekly Indian aunty congregations where they discuss their children’s lives in detail). Smart enough to integrate into their upper class, upper caste society, but ready to let go of everything to cater to the MIL’s rules.
“Marriage is about adjusting and compromise”
“Flexible” is the subtle way Preeti, suggests that a girl must be. “Flexible” means she must be willing to “make his tiffin”, and be there when he gets back home. “Flexible” means intelligent enough to hold her own, but not actually do anything with all the character she has built over these years.
And it is the exact same ideology that Akshay begins to believe is right.
This man, with a world of experiences and an education abroad, has finally boiled it down to one thing. If he is to marry, the woman must be very much like his mother. From what we can see, that’s a pushy, controlling woman that gave the boy no sense of responsibility growing up. She made his tiffins and moulded his mind, smothering him to such an extent that this man has no ability to make his own decisions.
And these conversations aren’t limited to just mother and son. When he meets Radhika (who he later gets engaged to), the man has the gall to expect a chartered accountancy student that her work is secondary. That she can’t be busy with work, because he cannot take care of the children.
No, I don’t discount the experiences of the men being subjected to unfair beauty norms. But more often than not, their requirements are catered for- fair, tall, ready to give up work- while those of a woman are not. If a girl sees 5–6 boys during a matchmaking process she’s considered to be “stubborn”, but if a guy sees 60–70 girls and has yet to find someone, he is “unsure”.
It’s important to note that none of these men are particularly attractive, but they fulfil a few very important criteria: they are men, and they are most likely privileged/upper caste (or both). The “manhood” here is the prized possession, the chip on the shoulders of these mothers who think that they can push their way around society because they have a son.
Dear Mama’s Boys, I hope that at least you come out of this bubble of delusion. I understand your mothers have spoon-fed you to such a great extent that you truly are incapable of normal functioning. This strange mindset of codependence to your mother where you cannot hold your own is alarming. I believe in you- try and unlearn this. The woman you’ll finally get married to will thank you for it.
P.S: learning to make your bed is something you should have done before you went to college, Akshay.
